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bambi-sass:

bettydays:

I have a story.

So my sister got run over by a car once. It was a pretty big deal. Well like a year later she got into a little fender bender and was really bent out of shape about it, so I went and got her a cake. 

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When I put in my order for the cake, the guy at the bakery asked, “Do you want it to say anything?”

And with a perfectly straight face, I said, “‘Sorry you got hit by a car again.’”

He narrowed his eyes a moment, then nodded and wrote it down, and took it to kitchen to get the writing done.

All the way from the back of the kitchen, I hear a woman shout, “‘Again’?!”

I work in a cake shop and I have to check all orders for delivery before they get sent out, my first shift involved me bringing out a huge 10 inch cake that weighed at least 13 pounds with the words ‘FUCKITY BYE!’ In capitals and attached was a gift message of ‘smell ya later Louise’

(Source: toocooltobehipster)

hellagays:

exdog:

paradoxes-for-breakfast:

reasons why halloween is the best holiday:

  1. you are not obliged to visit your relatives
  2. you are not obliged to get gifts for anyone
  3. people will give you candy for absolutely no reason other than halloween
  4. its the only day when its socially acceptable to go out in public dressed like a penguin

5. no one will look at you funny when you buy eighteen boxes of candy even though you fully intend to sit in the dark and eat them alone.

6. discount candy

(Source: caesarzeppeliofficial)

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